so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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