So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
