I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
