i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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