It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
