i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
where are my eyebrows?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
