Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
