Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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