he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to fling myself into the sun
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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