he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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