If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
