She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
