I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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