I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
