Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
