He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
