Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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