Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
