I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender