Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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