Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They have beer where we have blood.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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