If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare