I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
