i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.