Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation