you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
