Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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