Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
