I wish I only lived at night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
