Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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