so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
