she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
