I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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