Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
