you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
