I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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