I just saw a hot homeless man
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
