It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
