Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
