I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
