Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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