We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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