He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
