It's Friday. Sex?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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