Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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