My hand turned me down
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
