Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
