My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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