Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My penis needs a shock collar
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
