Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize