I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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