Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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