just tell him i said nine months
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
