i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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