Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
