Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
