I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
