Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
