Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
