hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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