bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
