You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i now understand why vodka
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
