when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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