So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
