I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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