how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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