Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My balls are so social today.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
