i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
