oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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