You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
