I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
