If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
