There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
