dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
