Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
