I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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