i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize